The dating game

So i've recently started seeing a boy lets call him Joe. Well i've known Joe since i was 4 so that's what 16 years and recently we admitted we liked eachother in high school. I've never been on a date but off we went to the pub not that i apparently needed the alcohol since we got on like a house on fire however i did manage to spill my second drink, due to two small children i don't get out much so i'm a lightweight. He paid for it all and at the end of the night kissed me goodbye. Who says romance is dead? The second date he took me to see the hunger games once again paid for it all including the large popcorn i demanded i had to have (i could get used to this being treated like a princess business.) and at the end of the night we once again kissed and that was all. Now our third date was a bit strange I was meeting up with my best friend from school lets call her Jane who i've not seen for 3 years but apparently were both immature still as soon as we see eachother so poor old Joe had to put up with us relay every stupid thing we said or done in school which let me tell you is a very long list. After a while and a few too many vodka and cokes Jane wanted to go clubbing and since i at the age of 20 had never been before begged me to come along but Joe cant stand crowds or loud music but as any true gentlemen would he smiled calmly and said that i could do whatever i wanted so off the three of us trotted well stumbled (my heels were stupidly big) he sat in the sidelines patiently letting me dance with Jane and have fun. He followed us out whenever we went for a fag (he doesnt smoke) and at three in the morning paid for a cab back to his. Now three dates is the norm right? Well after a very drunken attempt we realised we were both too tired and went to sleep. Now i'm used to early mornings but i wasnt getting my boys back till 4 and i was gunna have a hangover from hell yet because Joe works he was up at 6 because that's normal to him. After a morning of cuddling up, watching friends (once again my choice) and lots of tea to nurse my hangover we managed to do the dirty... now let me tell you i'm far from innocent but the size of his you know what scared me and he sure knew how to use it. Some time after wards i realised i had lost my boots and no way in hell was i walking to town in my heels so off i pottered in bare feet with him laughing his beautiful head off besides me all the way to town where i quickly purchased some cheap shoes and kfc...mmmm chicken. We've now started seeing eachother alot and it just feels normal however i have one small little worry that i would like to share with you non biased people... i come from a family where money didn't stretch far.. my father was in and out of prison my mum got pregnant young and so did i. I've been addicted to drugs (clean for over a year) and i've been in an violent relationship. i've known poverty and the hard life. Joe however his family are well off, he's had a job since he left school, finished college, has never done drugs and doesn't even smoke. Can someone with a such a messed up past as mine really work with someone who's so clean cut and normal?

Life

So its been some time since my last blog due to teething babies but today i thought id do a big fuck you to all the people who look down at young mums. Yes i had my boys too young and their daddys a deadbeat druggy, but i grew up my boys are polite and well behaved just sometimes a little hyper. I dont go out clubbing every weekend infact im 20 and ive never been clubbing my youngest is one yet ive only just started having nights off. Yes im young but my boys are my number one priority atleast ill still be young enough to run around with my grandchildren. So before you judge my parenting skills make sure your kids are fucking perfect.

The Lady Rules.

So recently on facebook 'The Lad Rules' have cropped up... and in them they moan because we women apparently never say what we want, clearly we never nag saying "out the toilet seat down" or "Wipe your crumbs off the side once your done." So lads I've made a basic list of the need to know things about us ladies;

Friend Zone - This is actually 'ugly zone' but us girls are far too nice to say fuck off you're rough mate. Family Zone is the one for people we care about. So if you keep getting put in the "Friend Zoned" then you are ugly, if you expect to get a pretty girl then you have to look after your appearance too a relationship works both ways.

I'm Fine - Most of the time does mean I'm fine, unless there's something you've done wrong you should notice the subtle change in the way we say it if you've done something wrong and then figure out what you did and apologies for it or it will be held against you for anything up to a month depending on how bad it was sometimes a year if it's that bad.

Does my bum look big? - Now this is a grey area, some girls like having big bums others will take it as being called fat. Try telling us it's perfect or that we look sexy.

Getting ready - Don't moan! We took this long to get ready the night we met you so you should be happy we keep ourselves looking good for you. We don't moan about how long you take to have a shit (which guys is a over the top long time, and do you mind opening the window after? Cheers) so we'd like the same courtesy when getting our hair and makeup perfect FOR YOU!

The toilet seat - One of the biggest debates we need it down you need it up. Half of you pee all over the toilet seat (which is fucking disgusting since us girls have to SIT DOWN to pee.) and the rest of you leave it up, I'm sure out there there's a small minority of men who are properly house trained but for the rest of you, who cleans the toilet seat? That's right boys pick it up and put it back down or you'll be forced to scrub the toilet next time.

Your coat - Of course we steal your coat, it's warmer, we don't have to carry it and it smells like you and makes every other girl see we're yours. Got a problem with it? Bring two coats. Simple solution.

Kids - If we have kids with you and you work, when you get in from work you don't get 5 minutes to sit down and relax, we've spent all day running round, wiping other peoples bums, being screamed at by a bossy 2 year old, you've been at work socializing with other adults we've been having conversations about not being able to touch this and I don't like that and oh look a helicopter. So no five minutes give us conversation now or we're likely to go mad.

Being mad - It's probably best easier if you just buy us our favorite chocolate/sweets and give us a cuddle, asking us what's wrong will only annoy us more. If it's your fault we're mad you should already know whats wrong so as a just in case add a sorry with that galaxy bar, and if it's not you then if we've not already shouted our mouths off at you we don't want to. Give us a cuddle and we'll probably relax and tell you what the problem is.

Cooking - If you don't like it don't eat it and starve simple as, that's how I was raised.

Stupid actions - if your about to do something you KNOW we think will be stupid or even THINK we might think is stupid STOP! Have a calm moment to think about what your doing and remember for every action there is an equal reaction, are you willing to deal with the consequences go ahead, if not then I'd stop right now, oh and if your drunk I'd take an extra long time to think it over.

Single lads - If you want a girlfriend don't be a whiny little bitch, girls go for dickheads because they're sure of themselves. You say a confident girl is sexy it's the same for lads.

Shampoo - Never touch it! If your girls like me I wouldn't. It's chosen for us, especially for us and is quite expensive. If you want nice expensive shampoo go choose it yourself and LEAVE OURS ALONE!

My Mummy - That's right I still call her mummy and what? Don't bitch about her, she raised me, clothed me and kept me out of trouble. I can say all I want about her, but if you say one single thing I will hold it against you for the rest of your life!

Conversation - Be careful what you say to us we remember everything, we analyse everything. So if your going to have a serious conversation with us focus and think about what you say.

Football - We don't mind watching it in fact some of the players aren't bad to look at in their little shorts but if it's not your team you can miss it alright, and as for match of the day. FUCK OFF! you don't need a review of what you ONLY JUST WATCHED! It'd be like us watching Eastenders then watching a step by step update on what just happened. Not needed!

Lieing - Don't ever lie to us, once that trust is broke that's it, it's near on impossible to rebuild.
Flirting - Don't even try it if your happy with us you don't need other girls to make you feel good, your ours no sharing.
Your ex - Fair enough she might have been a big part in your life, but we don't need to hear about her and we NEVER want to be compared to her, she's your ex for a reason.

Popping to the shops - We say we don't want anything but in reality we do so go with something you know we like it's best to be safe.

Angry words - Don't do it, we will remember it for a very long times if you say something out of anger and it will play on our minds even once you've completely forgotten about it.

That's it for now. If I forgotten anything feel free to ask a question and give me your opinions and feedback. Cheers.

'Women are meant to be loved, not understood. - Oscar Wilde.-

UrgentUrgentUrgentUrgent.

I'm sorry to blog twice in one day.
Although technically it's gone midnight so it doesn't count.

But that dear Irish writer Oscar Wilde doesn't have a decent google+ community.
How upsetting is that?

The most any of the communities has got is 8 members,
So I ask you darling people of Google..

https://plus.google.com/communities/116409151474188432242

Join please, show your friends, your mum, your dad, your hamster whoever I'd just like an community that shows how appreciated his amazing poems/books/plays. Everyone must have heard at least one Oscar Wilde quote so please join.

Much appreciated.

'If you are not too long I will wait here for you all my life.' - Oscar Wilde.

I'm a gangster.

Oh yeah, sorry G I forget that's not how you spell it anymore is it !!

*Gangstaaa. How can you chavy twats out there possibly be gangsters if you can't even spell it right?

Also you're not a gangster, you run round your 'Ghetto' (council estate actually) selling weed to 12 year olds with a kitchen knife tucked in the trousers. Your momma must be so proud!!

And as for your trousers you realize they're meant to go above your bum - actually if any of you could tell me how you can possibly keep them up all day that'd be really nice you bastards are defying gravity.As for all this weed you be blazin' by the time your 35 your going to be so paranoid that your going to be thinking your shadow is stalking you (in case you uneducated fools didn't know it does follow you everywhere). I don't even get why I'm leaving clip notes for chavs like you'd read for fun!

And if you did you'd only understand if i rote lyk dis. Which really pisses me off, I realize I might not have the best spelling or grammar but at least I try.

I enjoy seeing you twats on Jeremy Kyle.

'There is no sin except stupidy.' - Oscar Wilde.

Prison.

I've been thinking recently.. I don't agree with killing murderers and rapists because that just brings us down to their level, but we do in Britain make the lives of prisoners too easy.

My 'Baby Daddy' as he would call himself is in prison for domestic violence, the first thing I have to say about this is his sentence was no where near as long as it should have been. He got 2 years, halved for pleading guilty and then halved again because of good behavior (bullshit there's just not enough rooms in prisons). The only reason he even got that long in the end was because there were knives involved. Honestly 6 months for ruining someones life, daily beatings, causing someone to have no self esteem and become close to suicide. I'm happy to say though I came out the other end.

I can't help thinking however, he got the easy way out. He gets to sleep all night without being woken by a screaming child. The only ass he has to wipe is his own. He gets food for nothing, and with 'good behavior' can have a TV,  PlayStation and whatever else he wants in his room mean while I have to save up for months at a time when I need something. 'Prisoners respond to rewards when their behavior is good.' how about we show them how hard things can be make them earn everything in prison instead of it being handed to them on a silver platter. If I want to do a course (which I do I don't want to be stuck in a dead end job or claim benefits for the rest of my life) I have to pay and also find someone to look after my children whilst I do it. Prisoners can do as many courses as they want for free? Erm excuse me shouldn't you help the people that haven't broken the law first instead of focusing on prisoners. I realize some people think they're less likely to re-offend, but surely our sole priority should be helping those that deserve our help first? I also realize a lot of people think 'Go easy on them, they're away from their families they're just trying to sort their lives out' Well firstly it's their own fault for breaking the law and landing themselves in prison and secondly what about all the people out there without jobs who are trying hard to get jobs and have never broken the law surely they're the ones who deserve a break. I realize I'm ranting, but this subject really infuriates me. Oh and another thing, rapists, perverts, murderers should not be allowed to have ANY TIME WHAT SO EVER knocked off their sentence. Can there victims remove a couple of minutes off of the horrible memories? NO. Can the murdered people add a couple more years onto their lives? NO. So these people should have a set amount of years that they are inside, it doesn't matter about good behavior when you've ruined families!!!

So I ask you. What are your opinions, do you think I need to open my mind a bit more and see the other sides point of view, or do you like me think Britain is too easy on it's prisoners?

'It's not the prisoners who need reformation, it is the prisons.' - Oscar Wilde.

Horsing Around

Do you get it horsing around ; D.. horse in our meat... never mind !!

But on a more serious note. Yes of course there has been traces of horse found in our meat.
Now this could obviously only happen two ways,
A)Horses and Cows have had some hankypanky ; D.. I would like us all to take a moment to imagine what a horse/cow crossbreed would look like...
We could call it a course as in main course ; D.. I know I am rubbish at jokes.
or
B)The actual truth people have been putting horse in our burgers.
I generally don't care what's in my burger as long as it tastes good.

AND..

enough crap goes into our food as it is, I mean our sausages are barely meat most of it's fat from a piggy's face.

So do you say neighhhh to horse meat.. or do you just generally like me not give a toss about whats in your meat?

I shall leave you with some wise words as you ponder your opinion...

'After a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even one's own relations.' - Oscar Wilde.

Essex

Hey all again...

So I'm an 'Essex girl' and after the start of -cringe- TOWIE I was shocked at what stereotypes us Essex folk had. These include..

-Orange makeup,
-Bleach blonde hair,
-Stupidity,
-VAJAZZLES!!!! <<< Seriouslyy !!

I was convinced this was not the typical 'Essex girl' however I'm going to change my original opinion. This is the majority of girls in Essex... however for the small minority of us girls that are not like this please don't treat us like idiots who will flash our flesh to any fella that looks our way. So to the girls out there who prefer to have a brain over boobs and have more personality than makeup don't worry your are part of the small group of 'Essex girls' who don't have orange faces on the outside and chlamydia on the inside.

'A woman will flirt with anyone in the world as long as other people are looking on. - Oscar Wilde'

NewToThis.

I've been told I have a lot to say about a lot of different things, and my friends are starting to get annoyed at me chewing theirs ears off...

So...

I thought I'd join the world of blogging what does it matter if anyone reads this, as long as I get out all the things I'm desperate to moan about out so here goes my official first blog....

Girls And Clothes...

Or the lack of them!!! I'm only 19 but I feel like I can say 'In the good ol' days' already. Hello all you 14 year old girls out there a belt and a bra does not count as an outfit!!! RAR!! When I was 14 them 5 long years ago if I tried to walk out the house in a short skirt my mum would lecture me for about an hour before picking out something hideous I was bought for my birthday/Christmas. I generally do not get the need to show off all your 'Lady Parts' to the world, there's nothing wrong with leaving something ANYTHING to the imagination. Especially in winter, I look at you girls walking around in your ugg boots and mini skirts and shiver!!! How do your nipples not freeze and fall off? Put some clothes on for Christ sake your making me feel like an old lady having to rant about the 'youth' of today!!

So there we are first official blog.
And so I leave you with words from a wise man....

'Youth is wasted on the young - Oscar Wilde.'