The Lady Rules.

So recently on facebook 'The Lad Rules' have cropped up... and in them they moan because we women apparently never say what we want, clearly we never nag saying "out the toilet seat down" or "Wipe your crumbs off the side once your done." So lads I've made a basic list of the need to know things about us ladies;

Friend Zone - This is actually 'ugly zone' but us girls are far too nice to say fuck off you're rough mate. Family Zone is the one for people we care about. So if you keep getting put in the "Friend Zoned" then you are ugly, if you expect to get a pretty girl then you have to look after your appearance too a relationship works both ways.

I'm Fine - Most of the time does mean I'm fine, unless there's something you've done wrong you should notice the subtle change in the way we say it if you've done something wrong and then figure out what you did and apologies for it or it will be held against you for anything up to a month depending on how bad it was sometimes a year if it's that bad.

Does my bum look big? - Now this is a grey area, some girls like having big bums others will take it as being called fat. Try telling us it's perfect or that we look sexy.

Getting ready - Don't moan! We took this long to get ready the night we met you so you should be happy we keep ourselves looking good for you. We don't moan about how long you take to have a shit (which guys is a over the top long time, and do you mind opening the window after? Cheers) so we'd like the same courtesy when getting our hair and makeup perfect FOR YOU!

The toilet seat - One of the biggest debates we need it down you need it up. Half of you pee all over the toilet seat (which is fucking disgusting since us girls have to SIT DOWN to pee.) and the rest of you leave it up, I'm sure out there there's a small minority of men who are properly house trained but for the rest of you, who cleans the toilet seat? That's right boys pick it up and put it back down or you'll be forced to scrub the toilet next time.

Your coat - Of course we steal your coat, it's warmer, we don't have to carry it and it smells like you and makes every other girl see we're yours. Got a problem with it? Bring two coats. Simple solution.

Kids - If we have kids with you and you work, when you get in from work you don't get 5 minutes to sit down and relax, we've spent all day running round, wiping other peoples bums, being screamed at by a bossy 2 year old, you've been at work socializing with other adults we've been having conversations about not being able to touch this and I don't like that and oh look a helicopter. So no five minutes give us conversation now or we're likely to go mad.

Being mad - It's probably best easier if you just buy us our favorite chocolate/sweets and give us a cuddle, asking us what's wrong will only annoy us more. If it's your fault we're mad you should already know whats wrong so as a just in case add a sorry with that galaxy bar, and if it's not you then if we've not already shouted our mouths off at you we don't want to. Give us a cuddle and we'll probably relax and tell you what the problem is.

Cooking - If you don't like it don't eat it and starve simple as, that's how I was raised.

Stupid actions - if your about to do something you KNOW we think will be stupid or even THINK we might think is stupid STOP! Have a calm moment to think about what your doing and remember for every action there is an equal reaction, are you willing to deal with the consequences go ahead, if not then I'd stop right now, oh and if your drunk I'd take an extra long time to think it over.

Single lads - If you want a girlfriend don't be a whiny little bitch, girls go for dickheads because they're sure of themselves. You say a confident girl is sexy it's the same for lads.

Shampoo - Never touch it! If your girls like me I wouldn't. It's chosen for us, especially for us and is quite expensive. If you want nice expensive shampoo go choose it yourself and LEAVE OURS ALONE!

My Mummy - That's right I still call her mummy and what? Don't bitch about her, she raised me, clothed me and kept me out of trouble. I can say all I want about her, but if you say one single thing I will hold it against you for the rest of your life!

Conversation - Be careful what you say to us we remember everything, we analyse everything. So if your going to have a serious conversation with us focus and think about what you say.

Football - We don't mind watching it in fact some of the players aren't bad to look at in their little shorts but if it's not your team you can miss it alright, and as for match of the day. FUCK OFF! you don't need a review of what you ONLY JUST WATCHED! It'd be like us watching Eastenders then watching a step by step update on what just happened. Not needed!

Lieing - Don't ever lie to us, once that trust is broke that's it, it's near on impossible to rebuild.
Flirting - Don't even try it if your happy with us you don't need other girls to make you feel good, your ours no sharing.
Your ex - Fair enough she might have been a big part in your life, but we don't need to hear about her and we NEVER want to be compared to her, she's your ex for a reason.

Popping to the shops - We say we don't want anything but in reality we do so go with something you know we like it's best to be safe.

Angry words - Don't do it, we will remember it for a very long times if you say something out of anger and it will play on our minds even once you've completely forgotten about it.

That's it for now. If I forgotten anything feel free to ask a question and give me your opinions and feedback. Cheers.

'Women are meant to be loved, not understood. - Oscar Wilde.-